Hyderabadijihadi's Blog

Hyderabadi loves to spit all over the place!

hyderbadijihadi — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:44:32 +0000

If you were in Lucknow, you would find small, exqusitely carved metal boxes which contain the ingredients for a delightful ‘Pan’ ( pronunced as paan with the ‘a’ as in papa). There is a smaller box as well inside into which the character spits from time to time his saliva. Why? Well, you see, if you were to swallow the entire juices then you could get a choked feeling and makes it difficult to swallow even water.

The ingredients of a ‘Pan’ are betel leaf, with its tip chopped off; smeared with sap of Khair (Acacia Katechu), smeared with a dab of sodium phosphate (referred to in local lingo as ‘Chuna’ pronounced as Chu- as in Achoo;-na as in gnaw); either perfumed or plain raw Supari ( betel nuts, crushed) is added. This is a simple pan. To this intoxicating agents like 120 etc are added.

A typical hyderabadi would chew the pan and spit all across the place, nooks and corners of the staircases – be it public toilets or hospital wards; on the road and the best part is from a moving bus onto the commuter going alongside!

Added to this the hyderabadi loves to pee wherever he can find a slightly non-discrete place which could be just behind a parked truck!

If Shakespeare said ‘All the World’s a stage” A Hyderabadi would say, all the worlds a refreshingly large loo!

Tread with care, watch out what comes from moving buses!

Enjoy your stay in Hyderabad!

Vehicles without scratches in Hyderabad!! Unbeleivable!

hyderbadijihadi — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 05:31:32 +0000

If you are a vehicle owner or just a user of vehicles (owners could be your 70year old grandma or a gullible friend) and find that this vehicle does not have a scratch then either its used to pick up the milk from the outlet nearby or used to go the closest park so that you get down and have a long walk as exercise. If not either of these then you have a problem -ENVY!

Yes buddy! Your vehicle will be the target of all commuters to see that it gets a nasty scratch or dent. The usual ploy adopted is to bump into your vehicle on reverse gear at a stop sign! The guy/girl who bumps into you would get out and shout at you for your ‘ass kissing driving’ and you would have to pay up because the law would support the guy in the front though the cops would support any ‘kind’ gentlemen. Instead of losing sweat over such a tragedy you can do the next best thing which is recommended especially for hyderabadis- take a sharp iron rod scratch your vehicle all over as per design or pure random sketch! Viola! YOu are liberated from the burden of maintaining a scratchless car! Believe me. Trust me. Do it yourself and feel liberated! Its pure bliss!

Now, if you are the one with scratches on your vehicle you know what to do if you see a vehicle without scratches!

Happy humping of vehicles on Hyderabad roads – the absolutely free riders road in the world!

Few years ago this used to be the case in Delhi ( Capital of India) as well – to such an amusing extent that children would fall out of their school buses which are merrily driving at high speeds around corners and these children would be merrily run over by ‘ass kissing driving’ vehicles on a humping ride from behind. Even those who could afford big cars and expensive cars would drive a Maruti 800 with all its scratches and dents because it is a no conscience and burden free driving.

“Bump and hump as you like, scratch me all over but still I rule the road because I am not replaced with big or better or more expensive cars” ( Says Maruti 800).

Alas! Sheila Dikshit became the Chief Minister and everything changed – even autos follow traffic rules in Delhi now! Hyderabad is the lone survivor of an arrogant driving tradition.

So, welcome to Hyderabad and drive as you like – the Hyderabadi Haven is specially created by the good Lord almighty himself for all the great Hyderabadis who die on the Hyderabadi soil, R.I.P.

Camera Trap by Hyderabad Traffic Police!

hyderbadijihadi — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 03:33:02 +0000

Here is what the frustrated traffic cops of hyderabad did to deal with the absolutely random movement of hyderabadis on the road. The pics tell the tale!

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high..."

Safest way to cross the road in Hyderabad

hyderbadijihadi — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 02:34:56 +0000

You are walking on the road with music plugged into your ears and inhaling a strong perfume of exhaust fumes from Bharat Stage VI (futuristic) certified vehicles, suddenly you see a shop on the other side of the road and you need to cross over, what do you do? Simple! Just cross over! For new comers to the city and NRIs (NOn-Resident Indians) visiting Hyderabad after a long time follow these simple steps in crossing the road:
1) Take a deep breath, exhale and relax.
2) You are in a beautiful garden with rows of flowers stretching all the way to the horizon
3) There is a red carpet reaching out from where you are standing on the road to the other side
4) With an easy gait and smooth stride, walk leisurely across
5) Look straight at your destination and walk, thats all!
Simple isn’t it!
To make use of your time attend the call on your mobile while crossing or check the contacts list and give your client a call for a business call!

Most important precautions:
1) Do not look for zebra crossing – they are meant for ordinary humans not for Hyderabadis
2) Do not look to your left or right to check if vehicles are coming – HA! HA! In hyderabad, vehicles ply in both directions even if its a one-way!
3) Do not look for a pedestrian crossing signal – Beat it dude! They are non-existant! Even if they did, no buddy of yours riding a vehicle would follow them; IGNORE if they exist!
4) If you hear vehicles sreeching to a halt close to you and an angry curse runs out – SMILE! a smile lightens up a thousand lamps haven’t you heard! If you cannot smile, then just don’t bother. LET IT GO!
5) Now the most imporatant of all precautions: while half way down the middle of the road and you simply need to turn back- just raise your hand and turn back! Absolutely simple!
6) If you are still not comfortable in crossing then just raise your hand and proceed – the HYDERABDI *HAVEN is there for you above if not the other side of the road. (*Haven: since God is yet to consider a sutiable place other than heaven or hell for Hyderabadis)
7) C’mon, even now if you are not comfortable to cross the road – just call a beggar at the signal, pay one rupee (Least Indian denomination accepted by beggars, 50 paise is an insult to their dignity of labour) and he/she or the child beggar shall gudie you across the road. Now, if he/she demands two rupees after crossing over,then you need to pay that because they can charge for ‘to and fro’ (no assurance for return clients for them!).
Enjoy your walk on the hyderabad road!

When you reach your room, use a vaccum cleaner to blow your nose: keeps it ready for the next outing!
Cheers!

Hello world!

hyderbadijihadi — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 01:26:52 +0000

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